Without You
by Kyndeyrn
Summary: Because are you really here if your thoughts are 2000 miles away?"


Disclaimer: "Have you ever liked someone so much you just wanna lock yourself in your room, turn on sad music and cry?" –Glee

Most of the characters and the setting belong to J. K. Rowling. Obviously. Brooke is mine, though I stole the name from a play a friend and I are writing so technically she's only half mine. The title is from the musical Rent, an amazing show/movie that you all should see. Really, after you finish reading and reviewing this, get off your computer and go watch it.

Warnings: Implied femmeslash. Don't like it? Suck it, bitch. Literally. ;)

A/N: Has anyone else noticed a significant lack of Gryffindor minor characters that are in the year above Harry, Ron and Hermione? I kinda hate using OCs.

Without You

Because are you really here if your thoughts are 2000 miles away?

She stood at the top of the Astronomy Tower, broomstick in hand, savoring the moment before the plunge. Climbing onto the battlements, she stood with her arms outstretched as if to grasp at the wind that blew her robes about her body. Then she fell. As the ground rushed toward her in a blur of washed out green, she pulled the broomstick toward her and mounted it in mid-air. Moments before collision she pulled out of the dive and rose into the air, quickly ascending to a point twice, three times the height of the tower she had launched herself from.

It's not as if she expected her thoughts to be blown away by the rushing wind, flying no longer gave her that relief, but she hoped that the exhilaration of the fall might have temporarily driven them from her mind. No such luck. She flew even higher without any real conviction, then gave up and circled back to the Quidditch Pitch.

*~*

"Want to go fly?"

"No, I just went. You go."

"How about a game of chess?"

"No, not really in the mood, thanks."

"Katie, what's the matter, really?"

"Hmm?" Katie Bell sat in front of the fireplace in the Gryffindor common room. Her quill hovering, poised, over a sheet of parchment on which nothing was written. She had been sitting like this for about twenty minutes, staring blankly into the flames.

Her friend, Brooke, waved a hand in front of her face. "You haven't said much in a week. I'm worried…" she smiled in a way that clearly stated she actually worried more about the grade she received on her last Transfiguration paper, but she was doing the "good friend" thing. Katie had to at least give her credit for that.

"I'm fine, really, just stressing about this Potions essay. Seriously, three rolls of parchment? It's insane!" She shook her head in what she hoped was a convincing manner, then went back to contemplating the flames. Had it really only been a week? It felt so much longer.

~*~

She remembered the morning clearly. It was breakfast and, though half asleep, she was only sipping idly at a cup of coffee. She had never been a morning person. The owls soared in overhead, bringing with them the sound of rushing wind through feathers. A letter found its way to the table in front of her. She stared at for a moment, not comprehending this strange object that had appeared in space before her sleep-slowed mind. Then, as if struck by lightning, she sat up bolt upright, quickly grabbing the letter and tearing it open. Her heart pounded in her chest as her eyes scanned the painfully familiar handwriting. At first she did not actually read the letter, merely basking in the sensation of being in contact, no matter how small, with Alicia.

Still smiling, she began to slowly absorb the contents of the note. By the end, however, the smile had slid from her face. Her heart, once light, now sat like a hunk of lead at the bottom of her stomach. It wasn't the end of the world, she thought wryly, not even close. Try telling that to your heart, a more dramatic side of her conscious piped up. She laughed, a slightly maniacal sound. Alicia had a boyfriend. She laughed again. It beat the hell out of crying. It seemed to work. She felt a bit better. In fact, she kept laughing all day. It wasn't until she fell into bed that night, sobbing her eyes out, that she realized how similar the two actions were.

~*~

She had written back, of course. It had been fun, in a way, faking a realistic letter that conveyed teenage glee and excitement at her best friend finding someone after only two months of being abroad (work for the Ministry). She was still waiting on a response. Always waiting…waiting for Alicia to figure it out. Waiting for their happy ending. She never had, figured it out that is. She never had a reason to. And, deep down, Katie had always known this. Sure she had dreamed of the possibilities (though wouldn't that require them being possible?), spent hours dwelling on them in fact. At this point, however, a strange thought entered her head: dreaming was nice, preferable even, but it wasn't living.

It was an odd train of thought, but not exactly unpleasant. At least it didn't hurt and Katie was all for that. Alicia had a life now. Hogwarts had been nice for her, Katie was sure of this, wonderful even. But really, in the scheme of things, it was the dream before waking, the controlled environment before reality, the pause before the fall.

Katie knew that she would always love her, the fact was irrefutable, but she would always love her in the way she would always love Hogwarts. It would always be part of her, but it would not, could not, be the entirety of her as it had been for the past week, the past few years even. Alicia had reality. Katie had a dream. But that dream was already beginning to end and, for the first time, that seemed to be a relief. Dreaming was for those asleep and sleep was for the dead.

"Hey Katie, sure you don't want a game of chess?"

She blinked. This was her life, her dream, or what was left of it at least.

"Okay, Brooke, why not?"

"Wow, really?"

She had to live it now because, once she reached the end, there was no going back. There never was.

"Yeah. Let's play."


End file.
